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stolen soul

My heart is jaded
Completely desolate inside
No longer feel alive

Depleted by negativity
Drained of all emotion
Impalpable to society
Always feeling like there is no place here for me

Now an isolated figure
so far away
Time has broken me
And plagued my memory

Detached from myself
Walking empty and alone
Soulless victim
Angel of misery



gugurnya tugu ilusi

Terhimpit pilu di dada,
Mengalir deras air mata,
Kala sepi terus melanda,
Sayu, pilu ku terasa...

Sewaktu dingin malam berlalu,
Bintang menjadi tempat mengadu,
Persoalan membelengu diri,
Duka menghiris hati ini.

Apakah memang ku bersalah?
Untuk memendam rasa cinta?
Adakah benar cinta yang ku alami?
Atau hanya sekadar ilusi?

Pabila ku hampir terlena,
Pelukan bayangmu yang ku rasa,
Alunan suaramu membisik sayu di telinga,
Lakaran wajahmu menghiasi mimpi indah...

Akan ku musnahkan tugu harapan,
Akan ku anggap kau sebagai teman,
Sekiranya kita berdua,
Tidak ditakdirkan bersama...



unanswered?

What has my lyfe morphed into?
I've been hurt,
Wounded ever so deeply.
But does anyone care?
You, you, or even you?
No, everybody's juz busy wit their lyfes.
Carin' for their own happiness,
Oblivious to the surrounding.
The fake, "I care for u!" phrase,
I'm tired of it all.
Just let me weep & cry in silence.
Let my heart bleed.
Coz it doesn't matter to u,
No it doesn't.
U dun even wonder y.
Do u?

Shattered,
Broken,
Hurt,
Tired,
Wounded,
Bruised,
Unanswered?

Wearin' a fake smile,
I enclosed the sadness in me..
I create lame jokes,
To liven up the joyness within me.
But does it really lasts long?
Am I that strong?
To hide how hurt I am?
Am I?

Leave me alone.
For all that matters now,
Im gonna be like u-
Ignorant to everytin'
It's no use to pretend that u care,
I'm dead.
Every hour & minute,
Is my death...



hanya untuk mu...

Tatkala bintang menemani bumi,
Memori dahulu ku kupas kembali.
Rindu pun bertandang,
Kemasyghulan menyelimuti hati...

Berbaring pada ambin kebingungan,
Aku menyelak tabir kenangan,
Mencari penamat beribu soalan...
"Mengapa? Mengapa? Aku gugup.

Seringkali bayangan mu diingati,
Kesyahduan menenggelami jiwa.
Aku dambakan belaian mu,
Tangan yang mengusap lembut dahiku...

Namun, semuanya telah ditelan waktu.
13 tahun sudah pun berlalu.
Kau telah lama pergi dan tidak mungkin kan kembali.
Aku mengerti, kau yang lebih disayangi...

Ayah, mungkinkah dikau sedang sentiasa
mendoakan puterimu ini?
Melihatku mengorak langkah ke alam dewasa...
Dari jendela istana abadimu disana?

Hanya dapat ku titip doa,
Diiringi jernih air mataku...
Semoga Tuhan menempatkanmu di tempat
orang-orang yang beriman.
Semoga jua Tuhan mencucuri rahmat keatas rohmu...
Amin.

prinsessa

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NNaive
UUnderstanding
RReliable
SShy
YYoung
AAdorable
HHypersensitive
IIrresistible
DDreamer
AArtistic

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Monday, December 20, 2004

20 Dec 2004 was a memorable day for me. Went picnicking wit my fellow missies, Nurul & Jannah. As u can imagine, it wud be mundane for juz 3 peepz to go on a picnic. So, Nurul brought her friend along, Lydia. At the last minute, I decided to 'back-out'. Msged those gurlz & wat a huge reaction! Wat more cud I receive? But stupid remarks from 'em.


Met Jannah at the rendezvous while Nurul & Lydia was still at Simei, on the way to Eunos. Shopped sum crackers & stuffs at 7-eleven. Boy! It was one shopping! An audocious moment for both of us as we r stone broke yet managed to buy 'sum' stuffs. Oh yeah, wanna inform- Due to Christmas, every 5 bucks spend at 7-eleven, u'll receive a pack of biscuits. We spent 19 plus bucks but received 3 boxes... Oh well...


Reached ECP thx to Jannah's stead.


The breathtaking panorama of the sea was too much for us to handle. Not yet inclusive of the breezy wind, blowing playfully rite thru our hairs & messed those beautiful locks. The cool grains of sands beneath our feets as we bacame 'slippers-ignorant' was like a spa treatment.

Pieces of our problems seemed to be washed away as the sea water touched our feets. Cooling. I felt at ease. We rested for a moment, each openin' packets of rice to eat. The aroma of Nasi Lemak & Nasi sambal goreng sipped thru our nostrils. Hunger strike us. It was juz so relaxing- gorging down food tat later passed thru the esophagus and den to the stomach. Science eh? Haha...


Put up our tents & here we go... Saw sum bunch of peepz surfin'... I din't noe S'pore had such HUGE waves. Haha. Let 'em be. None of my business aniwae. Played UNO wif 'em & took sum pics...



Clockwise, Presentin'... Jennot, Lydionot & Nunot!




Jannah & Lydia...




Jannah-Jennot, Wat r u doin'? Drinkin' green tea heh?

Used my h/p to take those picx. I tin' I muz recapitulate tis frm the last entry. I'm not rich & I dun own any digicam or watsoeva. The last camera tat I owned was stolen. Well, maybe I wud...


Later came tis blithering idiot who asked us which pit is tis. Blind jerk! Tryin' to fool us as if he can't see the big pit sign across. Well, maybe he is blind. Poor jerk! Suddenly, he said his whole bunch of 'monkeys' over there wanna make frens wit us. Sorry, we dun have any bananas & we dun sell any either! One by one of us went inside the tent. Left Nurul who continued answering his nonsensical questions. Thx Nurul.


Den, he's fren, a 'gorilla' came. Held one piece of choco & a can of beer in each tattooed hands.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeWWWWWWWWWWWwww! Disgusted. I wanna puke. Where? At his face can? Asked us if we want any of the choco. No way gorilla! We r not easily fooled! Who noes wat those choco contains? And anyhoos, we r not those cheap gurlz! We ain't bitches! Shoo Off! Yes dey did.


Much to our surprise, dey came again. Bringin' the other monkeys as well. Their sophomoric attitude was unbearable! It's disgustin'!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeWWWWWWWWWWWwww! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeWWWWWWWWWWWwww!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeWWWWWWWWWWWwww!


Nurul was patiently talkin' to 'em while I, inside the tent was tryin' to boost up my moxie to ask 'em to leave. Nurul told me tat tis type of peepz, we have to converse nicely. They cud use revenge on us. At last, they leave.

Jannah joked- Nxt tyme if we've been approached the same situation, juz act as if we're disabled- havin' hearin' & speech deficiency. Or better still, act as if we r 'lesbos'... Jannah-Ahmad, Nurul-Roger s/o Muthusamy Pillai & Lydia-Mahmud. Hey! we aren't k!


We waited in the tents until 'Maghrib's' over. Den, went bck home...
Hey gurlz, wanna tell u tat it has been a great moment for me. If only we cud be much, much closer- sharin' our secrets, & confide probs... I shall reminiscence tis day... I promise!

with love, syahida at 12/20/2004 11:37:00 PM

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