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stolen soul

My heart is jaded
Completely desolate inside
No longer feel alive

Depleted by negativity
Drained of all emotion
Impalpable to society
Always feeling like there is no place here for me

Now an isolated figure
so far away
Time has broken me
And plagued my memory

Detached from myself
Walking empty and alone
Soulless victim
Angel of misery



gugurnya tugu ilusi

Terhimpit pilu di dada,
Mengalir deras air mata,
Kala sepi terus melanda,
Sayu, pilu ku terasa...

Sewaktu dingin malam berlalu,
Bintang menjadi tempat mengadu,
Persoalan membelengu diri,
Duka menghiris hati ini.

Apakah memang ku bersalah?
Untuk memendam rasa cinta?
Adakah benar cinta yang ku alami?
Atau hanya sekadar ilusi?

Pabila ku hampir terlena,
Pelukan bayangmu yang ku rasa,
Alunan suaramu membisik sayu di telinga,
Lakaran wajahmu menghiasi mimpi indah...

Akan ku musnahkan tugu harapan,
Akan ku anggap kau sebagai teman,
Sekiranya kita berdua,
Tidak ditakdirkan bersama...



unanswered?

What has my lyfe morphed into?
I've been hurt,
Wounded ever so deeply.
But does anyone care?
You, you, or even you?
No, everybody's juz busy wit their lyfes.
Carin' for their own happiness,
Oblivious to the surrounding.
The fake, "I care for u!" phrase,
I'm tired of it all.
Just let me weep & cry in silence.
Let my heart bleed.
Coz it doesn't matter to u,
No it doesn't.
U dun even wonder y.
Do u?

Shattered,
Broken,
Hurt,
Tired,
Wounded,
Bruised,
Unanswered?

Wearin' a fake smile,
I enclosed the sadness in me..
I create lame jokes,
To liven up the joyness within me.
But does it really lasts long?
Am I that strong?
To hide how hurt I am?
Am I?

Leave me alone.
For all that matters now,
Im gonna be like u-
Ignorant to everytin'
It's no use to pretend that u care,
I'm dead.
Every hour & minute,
Is my death...



hanya untuk mu...

Tatkala bintang menemani bumi,
Memori dahulu ku kupas kembali.
Rindu pun bertandang,
Kemasyghulan menyelimuti hati...

Berbaring pada ambin kebingungan,
Aku menyelak tabir kenangan,
Mencari penamat beribu soalan...
"Mengapa? Mengapa? Aku gugup.

Seringkali bayangan mu diingati,
Kesyahduan menenggelami jiwa.
Aku dambakan belaian mu,
Tangan yang mengusap lembut dahiku...

Namun, semuanya telah ditelan waktu.
13 tahun sudah pun berlalu.
Kau telah lama pergi dan tidak mungkin kan kembali.
Aku mengerti, kau yang lebih disayangi...

Ayah, mungkinkah dikau sedang sentiasa
mendoakan puterimu ini?
Melihatku mengorak langkah ke alam dewasa...
Dari jendela istana abadimu disana?

Hanya dapat ku titip doa,
Diiringi jernih air mataku...
Semoga Tuhan menempatkanmu di tempat
orang-orang yang beriman.
Semoga jua Tuhan mencucuri rahmat keatas rohmu...
Amin.

prinsessa

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NNaive
UUnderstanding
RReliable
SShy
YYoung
AAdorable
HHypersensitive
IIrresistible
DDreamer
AArtistic

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Monday, January 03, 2005

3rd January 2005- A day to start skewl afresh.. Sigh... The cool mornin', due to the intermittent showers send chills down my spine... My h/p alarm clock had rung to the tune of 'Bukan Aku Tak Cinta', a popular malay song by Iklim... Hmm... I snoozed it & went back to sleep for a few minutes more... How I wish the vacation period neva ends! Nontheless, I pulled myself out & went strait to the bathroom... Muz I go to skewl?

Met Jannah at City Hall as usual...

New modules! Muz learn pharmocology... They say it's terribly mind boggling! Well, wat to do? Started the day wit Claire, our new lecturer... followed by Ponraj & later Caroline... In Caroline's tut, we r required to do CBL (context-based learnin').. Hey learnt a new word! Hyperpitutarism which means sumtin' like an abnormal growth spurt.. Wadeba!

Juz took tis logo for fun.. It has notin' to do wit the livin', the non-livin', or the dead...

After skewl, me, Jan & Nurul went to meet Lydia & her fren, Kareena.. They wanted to catch a movie... Nisa tagged along but later went off halfway to meet her frens.. I wasn't actually eager on watchin' the movie... I am totally broke! :( Howeva, Lyd's generosity acquired a seat for me... I'm gonna pay u back k? Nxt time dun treat me... thx a whole bunch anyhoos! Movie started at 6:50p.m... Aniwae, to be frank, I actually did like the movie, it was hilarious & totally entertainin'! But, sad to say... durin' the whole movie, I felt sumtin' was amiss... so I dint enjoy it tat much... I cried at one time tinkin' of my probs but I quickly wiped my tears away.. it wasn't only durin' the movie.. actually, it was the whole day! I felt sad, lost, depressed... many mixed feelins yet I dunno y... (Puhleeze dun ask me y).. It's tis feelin' of isolation in me.. Dun get wat I mean? Nah.. not gonna answer u.

It was 9p.m by the time the movie ended... Blimey! I'm afraid I'm gonna get scolded, goin' home late! Got up the seat & my leg was all wobbly & crampy. I felt fatigue strike me. Plus, after I went out the air-conditioned room, my feet started to 'perspire', makin' it slippery for me to walk.. Geez. Walked down a flight of stairs. The last tin' I heard was sumtin' like tis, "Syahida, your slippers so noisy!" by the eva so-irritatin', Nurul... (Haha. *Syahida looks at Nurul apologetically*) Much to my surprise, I slipped & fell a couple of steps... My eyes were titely closed all the way fallin' & I kept tinkin', "Y isn't there any pain? Oh God, puhleeze help me.." I tried to get up but cudnt tho Jan was beside me, usin' her strength to help me up... I felt so weak... Does lethargic describes my feelins? Why dint I juz faint in frt of everybdy? I felt so embarassed! Peepz were lookin' at me... The nxt tin' I knew, my right thumb was hurt & it looks like the vein was protuding out..

Guess an omen, it is... Sumtin' bad might happen to me... Probably any soon? Sighs...


with love, syahida at 1/03/2005 10:50:00 PM

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