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stolen soul

My heart is jaded
Completely desolate inside
No longer feel alive

Depleted by negativity
Drained of all emotion
Impalpable to society
Always feeling like there is no place here for me

Now an isolated figure
so far away
Time has broken me
And plagued my memory

Detached from myself
Walking empty and alone
Soulless victim
Angel of misery



gugurnya tugu ilusi

Terhimpit pilu di dada,
Mengalir deras air mata,
Kala sepi terus melanda,
Sayu, pilu ku terasa...

Sewaktu dingin malam berlalu,
Bintang menjadi tempat mengadu,
Persoalan membelengu diri,
Duka menghiris hati ini.

Apakah memang ku bersalah?
Untuk memendam rasa cinta?
Adakah benar cinta yang ku alami?
Atau hanya sekadar ilusi?

Pabila ku hampir terlena,
Pelukan bayangmu yang ku rasa,
Alunan suaramu membisik sayu di telinga,
Lakaran wajahmu menghiasi mimpi indah...

Akan ku musnahkan tugu harapan,
Akan ku anggap kau sebagai teman,
Sekiranya kita berdua,
Tidak ditakdirkan bersama...



unanswered?

What has my lyfe morphed into?
I've been hurt,
Wounded ever so deeply.
But does anyone care?
You, you, or even you?
No, everybody's juz busy wit their lyfes.
Carin' for their own happiness,
Oblivious to the surrounding.
The fake, "I care for u!" phrase,
I'm tired of it all.
Just let me weep & cry in silence.
Let my heart bleed.
Coz it doesn't matter to u,
No it doesn't.
U dun even wonder y.
Do u?

Shattered,
Broken,
Hurt,
Tired,
Wounded,
Bruised,
Unanswered?

Wearin' a fake smile,
I enclosed the sadness in me..
I create lame jokes,
To liven up the joyness within me.
But does it really lasts long?
Am I that strong?
To hide how hurt I am?
Am I?

Leave me alone.
For all that matters now,
Im gonna be like u-
Ignorant to everytin'
It's no use to pretend that u care,
I'm dead.
Every hour & minute,
Is my death...



hanya untuk mu...

Tatkala bintang menemani bumi,
Memori dahulu ku kupas kembali.
Rindu pun bertandang,
Kemasyghulan menyelimuti hati...

Berbaring pada ambin kebingungan,
Aku menyelak tabir kenangan,
Mencari penamat beribu soalan...
"Mengapa? Mengapa? Aku gugup.

Seringkali bayangan mu diingati,
Kesyahduan menenggelami jiwa.
Aku dambakan belaian mu,
Tangan yang mengusap lembut dahiku...

Namun, semuanya telah ditelan waktu.
13 tahun sudah pun berlalu.
Kau telah lama pergi dan tidak mungkin kan kembali.
Aku mengerti, kau yang lebih disayangi...

Ayah, mungkinkah dikau sedang sentiasa
mendoakan puterimu ini?
Melihatku mengorak langkah ke alam dewasa...
Dari jendela istana abadimu disana?

Hanya dapat ku titip doa,
Diiringi jernih air mataku...
Semoga Tuhan menempatkanmu di tempat
orang-orang yang beriman.
Semoga jua Tuhan mencucuri rahmat keatas rohmu...
Amin.

prinsessa

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NNaive
UUnderstanding
RReliable
SShy
YYoung
AAdorable
HHypersensitive
IIrresistible
DDreamer
AArtistic

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Monday, January 10, 2005

Juz ignore my title ookie. Actually it dosn't have anytin' much to do wit nettings. Juz tat Jan, Nurul & Me planned on wearin' nettings today. Both of 'em wore Giordano's newest net shirts- Jan, white & Nurul, black. Me? I wore my mum's orangey one. Haha.

Heck wat others say.
I wear wat I feel comfy in.
I speak wat I believe is rite.
I behave juz the way I am.
I style wat I wanna style.
I am wat I am.
I am S-Y-A-H-I-D-A.
Dun try to exercise ur arbitrary on me.
Dun try to transform who I am.
Dun dream as if u possess me.
I hate peepz who toy wit me.
I hate peepz who controls me.
I'll only change myself wen I noe it's rite.
Coz I have the power.
I am me.
I am SYAHIDA.




Ookie back- We can't be too fussy in clothings eh? Dun get me? Picture tis, imagine of those more unfortunate ones who are hopin' for kind souls to donate 'em sum clothings. Example, the Tsunami's victims & those undergoin' poverty. Still dun get me? Go figure. Me elaborate no more.

Oh ya, yesterday's highlite: A 'slight' quarrel took place near Toot's area at 9-1o plus at nite. Involved in it was a gurl kiddo, a mum & a grp of mats. Sum were wit their motorcycles, juz hangin' ard, in case the mum attack their mat fren. I'm the witness frm up. Haha. I came lookin' out my window wen I heard shouts. Pple throwin' blandishments at one another. Probably the gurl kiddo dint wanna go home & tat's y her mum came searchin' for her. Ended up, her mum found her in Tootland. Enuff of my 'probablyness'. Lets juz tell u wat happened, let ur brain process wat were the causes 'bout. Two mats got slapped by the mum.
The gurl kiddo came shouting to her mum: He din't noe anytin'! He din't even go back home for days! (In Malay)
But the mum, horrorfully tried to pounce on tis particular mat. The kiddo, heroine act I muz say, tried to shove her mum away. Push her mum away? Wat kind of daughter is tis?!? Aniwae, frm above, I can see tat the mat doesn't wanna accept tat it is his fault. Blah, blah, blah, blah...
The mum, her heart baking wit furiosity bellowed to the gurl kiddo: Anak kurang ajar! Anak derhaka!...
Feelin' shy, the kiddo replied heart-brokenly: Mum, everybdy's lookin' at us!
End tis story here. Elaborate no more. Howeva, I feel tat all of 'em are in the wrong. Be it the gurl kiddo who tried to find joy & happiness frm her mat frens by changing who she is, her career-lookin' mum & her incorrigible mat posses. Tin' bout it. U'll agree wit me.

Back to todae, went out wit Lyd & Jan after schl to TM again. Met Lyd's fren, Raihana... So small & cute, like me! :P. Haha!
Taught Jan & Lyd to avoid 'Swiper'.
Swiper no swiping!
Swiper no swiping!
Swiper no swiping!
Oh Mannnnn!

We were so tired but still Jan & lyd wanna stay out longer. Kerazy apes! At last, managed to 'beg' 'em to go home... Weeee.... Reached home nearly ten.. sleepy, tired, exhausted, blitzed but still managed to type all tis out.

OMG! Pimples are startin' to get thru my skin! How can I stop tis stupid, pink, swollen tin' frm growin'?!? Pinples are emerging.. ArGhHhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I've tried applyin' mopiko yesterdae! Nevamind, I'll try again! Or maybe... hmm... juz maybe...

Sigh... I feel like I'm growin' fatter each day. But wen i say I'm fat, pple tried to make me live in denial. Welcum me in dreamland, sayin' tat I'm not fat. Shutever! Hahahaha. U noe wat? Durin' the fastin' mth, I weighed myself & my weight was 47kg. Now, after consumin' lots of Maggie Mees especially durin' vacation period, peepz in my tutorial class say I've lost weight. Is it really? Weighed myself again, usin' Nurul's weighing machine & my weight is 45kg! Much, much to my surprise! Hmm.. which weighing machine is unusable? In other words, damaged? Wateva it is, I'll strive harder, to lose more weight. My ideal weight- 38-40kg. Wats urs? And hey, I'm fat rite?

with love, syahida at 1/10/2005 10:29:00 PM

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