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stolen soul

My heart is jaded
Completely desolate inside
No longer feel alive

Depleted by negativity
Drained of all emotion
Impalpable to society
Always feeling like there is no place here for me

Now an isolated figure
so far away
Time has broken me
And plagued my memory

Detached from myself
Walking empty and alone
Soulless victim
Angel of misery



gugurnya tugu ilusi

Terhimpit pilu di dada,
Mengalir deras air mata,
Kala sepi terus melanda,
Sayu, pilu ku terasa...

Sewaktu dingin malam berlalu,
Bintang menjadi tempat mengadu,
Persoalan membelengu diri,
Duka menghiris hati ini.

Apakah memang ku bersalah?
Untuk memendam rasa cinta?
Adakah benar cinta yang ku alami?
Atau hanya sekadar ilusi?

Pabila ku hampir terlena,
Pelukan bayangmu yang ku rasa,
Alunan suaramu membisik sayu di telinga,
Lakaran wajahmu menghiasi mimpi indah...

Akan ku musnahkan tugu harapan,
Akan ku anggap kau sebagai teman,
Sekiranya kita berdua,
Tidak ditakdirkan bersama...



unanswered?

What has my lyfe morphed into?
I've been hurt,
Wounded ever so deeply.
But does anyone care?
You, you, or even you?
No, everybody's juz busy wit their lyfes.
Carin' for their own happiness,
Oblivious to the surrounding.
The fake, "I care for u!" phrase,
I'm tired of it all.
Just let me weep & cry in silence.
Let my heart bleed.
Coz it doesn't matter to u,
No it doesn't.
U dun even wonder y.
Do u?

Shattered,
Broken,
Hurt,
Tired,
Wounded,
Bruised,
Unanswered?

Wearin' a fake smile,
I enclosed the sadness in me..
I create lame jokes,
To liven up the joyness within me.
But does it really lasts long?
Am I that strong?
To hide how hurt I am?
Am I?

Leave me alone.
For all that matters now,
Im gonna be like u-
Ignorant to everytin'
It's no use to pretend that u care,
I'm dead.
Every hour & minute,
Is my death...



hanya untuk mu...

Tatkala bintang menemani bumi,
Memori dahulu ku kupas kembali.
Rindu pun bertandang,
Kemasyghulan menyelimuti hati...

Berbaring pada ambin kebingungan,
Aku menyelak tabir kenangan,
Mencari penamat beribu soalan...
"Mengapa? Mengapa? Aku gugup.

Seringkali bayangan mu diingati,
Kesyahduan menenggelami jiwa.
Aku dambakan belaian mu,
Tangan yang mengusap lembut dahiku...

Namun, semuanya telah ditelan waktu.
13 tahun sudah pun berlalu.
Kau telah lama pergi dan tidak mungkin kan kembali.
Aku mengerti, kau yang lebih disayangi...

Ayah, mungkinkah dikau sedang sentiasa
mendoakan puterimu ini?
Melihatku mengorak langkah ke alam dewasa...
Dari jendela istana abadimu disana?

Hanya dapat ku titip doa,
Diiringi jernih air mataku...
Semoga Tuhan menempatkanmu di tempat
orang-orang yang beriman.
Semoga jua Tuhan mencucuri rahmat keatas rohmu...
Amin.

prinsessa

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NNaive
UUnderstanding
RReliable
SShy
YYoung
AAdorable
HHypersensitive
IIrresistible
DDreamer
AArtistic

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Thursday, February 03, 2005

Hola once again! Let me recap 'bout wat happened yesterdae as well as todae okie!

Wed 2/2- I've already planned to go out wit my Ex-BNSS fwenz and Jannah had planned to go out wit her stead. However, there is a change of plan at the last minute. Due to our suweetness, we 'postponed' our so-called activities since we sympathise the adorable berok, Nurul. Therefore, it all ended up all three of us goin' out again. Where to? Decisions were made stoopidly, as usual. We always wanted to go out, but the destination was unclear. Here's how the conversations go- (I made tis up)

Nurul: Eh, wanna go where?
Jannah: Hmm.. Go where ah?
Syahida: Anytin'.. Where u all wanna go?
We always ended up passin' the Qs around, w/o answerin' it. Fickle-minded? Sort of..


At last, after much Q&A sessions tho stoopid answers were given, we decided to go town AGAIN. Lydia the sweet Orang Utan called Jannah, tellin' her that she wanna tag along. Yeah! One more company!

"Toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, door's closin'," We stepped out the crammed train, at Orchard station. Jannah's H/P vibrated- Lydia wanted us to go to Scotts but we dunno the way around the humungous place. So, we waited for her near the MRT station. I decided tat since we r so stoopz, why not go ard, arms punchin' towards the air, chantin, "We r the stooopid people! We r the stooopid people!" Cute eh? Haha..
Anyhoos, while we r foolin' & jokin' & lamin' & humourin' ard, suddenly a tall, lanky chinese girl approached us. U noe wat she said to me? "Wud u like to join modellin'? We r searchin' for new faces.. blah.. blah.. blah.. Juz write ur name here & if u r not interested, u can reject it if they call." So, I playingly juz wrote my name. The ist thoughts flashed was, "Y me? I'm not pretty. Neither am I tall or watever tat suits to becum a model. Helu.. r u askin' the rite person?" Well, people juz becums more weirder every day..

Later, Lydia came & we went off, window shoppin' at Orchard. Nurul bought tis boxers at 77th street. Frankly Nurul, the black one is much nicer. Hahaha kiddin'. We walk, walk & walk till Lydia had to go off. (Sorry Lyd if we bore u. Sorry once again.) Den we walk, walk, & walk... till legs all wobbly. At 7plus, we set home... Tired.

Thurs 3/2- Skewl todae consists only of lab lessons. 8am-10am was Bio lab, learnin' human anatomical features. 10am-12pm was break. Boo hoo hoo! The 3 cute apes (Nurul, Jannah & NIsa) forced me to waste my money & eat at Macs! Not only tat, they dint realise tat... They dint realise tat... They dint realise tat... I'M GETTIN" FAT!!! ARGH!!! Boo hoo hoo! I dun care, next tyme if all 3 of u forced me to eat out of my will, I'm not gonna eat wit u all! I noe u all doin' me gud. But puhleeze, if I refused to eat, puhleeze dun force me okie? Dun even tin' of buyin' the food for me! 12pm-2pm was Ambel's lab lesson- Practiced on servin' medications & cleansin' the wound. Boring!

After skewl, I had already planned on stayin' back to do sum learnin'. Remember the modellin' agency? Yeah, they called askin' me if I was interested. I imagined how fun it wud be to 'playingly' becum a model. On the other hands, I noe modellin' has sum of its negativity. Yeah, shutever. Anyhoos, Wati msged sayin' tat she wanna go out, she's bored wit her work therefore skipped class. Yeah2! Got company! Thankies Wati!


Met her in front of shoppin' arcade & as usual, we had to tin' deep on where to head to. (Takde arah tujuan lah.. haha)We went to Chinatown & bought sum cakes at Polar. There was many peepz & I'm damn tired, carryin' the big, stoopid board on one hand whilst my heavy bag was tugging at my shirt. TIRED. EXHAUSTED. Oh ya, many peepz asked us for directions. Prob they tin' we r sum kind of human map. Muz be due to the board I'm carryin'. Hahaha. Later, after walkin' round & round at Chinatown wit no direct place to go, we decided to go City Hall & find a place to laze around.

There, we met Michelle, ex-skewlmate.. She looks matured. Everybdy looks matured now.. Den, Wati the Gothic girl & me the adorable went to Funan. (hahaha) Wen we saw Esplanade at the other side of the road, we decided to go there. At last! One perfect place to release tension! Supacalafragilisticecspialidocious! We talked 'bout the past, bringin' back old, nice, unforgettable memories. How I wish I cud turn back the time, reliving my sec skewl daes in the perfect way I cud. I miss all my fwenz... sigh...


The crushed- Frm left Wati, Emy & me!
I wanna go out wit u all- Emy, Siti & Wati! We shud meet up! Miss u guys dearly! Smuackiezz!

with love, syahida at 2/03/2005 10:20:00 PM

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