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stolen soul

My heart is jaded
Completely desolate inside
No longer feel alive

Depleted by negativity
Drained of all emotion
Impalpable to society
Always feeling like there is no place here for me

Now an isolated figure
so far away
Time has broken me
And plagued my memory

Detached from myself
Walking empty and alone
Soulless victim
Angel of misery



gugurnya tugu ilusi

Terhimpit pilu di dada,
Mengalir deras air mata,
Kala sepi terus melanda,
Sayu, pilu ku terasa...

Sewaktu dingin malam berlalu,
Bintang menjadi tempat mengadu,
Persoalan membelengu diri,
Duka menghiris hati ini.

Apakah memang ku bersalah?
Untuk memendam rasa cinta?
Adakah benar cinta yang ku alami?
Atau hanya sekadar ilusi?

Pabila ku hampir terlena,
Pelukan bayangmu yang ku rasa,
Alunan suaramu membisik sayu di telinga,
Lakaran wajahmu menghiasi mimpi indah...

Akan ku musnahkan tugu harapan,
Akan ku anggap kau sebagai teman,
Sekiranya kita berdua,
Tidak ditakdirkan bersama...



unanswered?

What has my lyfe morphed into?
I've been hurt,
Wounded ever so deeply.
But does anyone care?
You, you, or even you?
No, everybody's juz busy wit their lyfes.
Carin' for their own happiness,
Oblivious to the surrounding.
The fake, "I care for u!" phrase,
I'm tired of it all.
Just let me weep & cry in silence.
Let my heart bleed.
Coz it doesn't matter to u,
No it doesn't.
U dun even wonder y.
Do u?

Shattered,
Broken,
Hurt,
Tired,
Wounded,
Bruised,
Unanswered?

Wearin' a fake smile,
I enclosed the sadness in me..
I create lame jokes,
To liven up the joyness within me.
But does it really lasts long?
Am I that strong?
To hide how hurt I am?
Am I?

Leave me alone.
For all that matters now,
Im gonna be like u-
Ignorant to everytin'
It's no use to pretend that u care,
I'm dead.
Every hour & minute,
Is my death...



hanya untuk mu...

Tatkala bintang menemani bumi,
Memori dahulu ku kupas kembali.
Rindu pun bertandang,
Kemasyghulan menyelimuti hati...

Berbaring pada ambin kebingungan,
Aku menyelak tabir kenangan,
Mencari penamat beribu soalan...
"Mengapa? Mengapa? Aku gugup.

Seringkali bayangan mu diingati,
Kesyahduan menenggelami jiwa.
Aku dambakan belaian mu,
Tangan yang mengusap lembut dahiku...

Namun, semuanya telah ditelan waktu.
13 tahun sudah pun berlalu.
Kau telah lama pergi dan tidak mungkin kan kembali.
Aku mengerti, kau yang lebih disayangi...

Ayah, mungkinkah dikau sedang sentiasa
mendoakan puterimu ini?
Melihatku mengorak langkah ke alam dewasa...
Dari jendela istana abadimu disana?

Hanya dapat ku titip doa,
Diiringi jernih air mataku...
Semoga Tuhan menempatkanmu di tempat
orang-orang yang beriman.
Semoga jua Tuhan mencucuri rahmat keatas rohmu...
Amin.

prinsessa

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NNaive
UUnderstanding
RReliable
SShy
YYoung
AAdorable
HHypersensitive
IIrresistible
DDreamer
AArtistic

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Thursday, March 03, 2005

My heart is questionin'
In search for the rite answer...
Why muz I still live wit so many probs?
How cud I solve these probs?
I tried to shove 'em all away...
But all my efforts are of waste.
I'm afraid to go on wit lyfe,
I'm horrified to know my future.
I'm confused...

Most of the tyme, I get so bummed out..
I will just lose my composure and break down cryin'
Tat's me....
Lookin' cheery & perky on the outside,
grinning everytyme u see me,
but i'm just putting on a front you see...
Deep, deep down inside i'll weep in silence...

Ya Allah, y muz my lyfe be tis complicated?

Sigh... :'( I nd to find a job quick.
I dun wanna burden my mum.
I dun wanna sadden her any longer..
lyke wat sum idiots did..
She look so sickly,
goin' for two jobs in alternate daes.
Rushin' frm one to another job..
I hate seein' her in tat condition,
tryin' to find money for our survival.
Well, probably it's my fault-
I dint take the bond.
I shud have taken it,
liten sum burdens off my mum..
But, y can't my sis help her MORE?!?
Instead, she tries to drain my mum's happines out..
(If u r readin' tis, figure out urself.)
Puhleeze, stop hurtin' mum any longer...
Any respect I once had for u,
was now day by day gone,
for I thought to myself,
"How could you do, this despicable thing to MY Mom"?

Mum,
When I look at your face,
Wit tears runnin' down,
I often lose my balance & place
& a frown appears across my face..

Mommy, puhleeze dun cry,
It hurts me so..
I sumtymes wish daddy never had to go,
So that you wouldn't feel so low..

I neva feel rite,
Wen u neva smyle,
Its lyke u've lost ur eyesight...
Meanwhile there's a whole diff lyfestyle,
Still waitin' to fight its way thru..

Mommy, puhleeze dun cry..
Isn't there anytin' I can do?
I noe u said u're happy,
but I noe tats a lie..

I hate how u dun sleep at nite,
It bothers me to the bone-
It makes lyfe seems so plain and white..
Mommy, I feel the same way,
Puhleeze dun tin' tat u're alone..

Mommy, puhleeze dun cry..
I lurve u so much.
You may have lost daddy,
But you haven't lost his loving touch.


How I wish dad's still here,
Helpin' to build up pieces of our broken family back..

Dear Jannah,
u really wanna noe y I cried the other dae?
There are so many probs tormentin' me..
I'm sick & tired of it all..
One of those was money-
The thought of it juz hurts me so.
It seems tat u dint understand me,
Well nobody did eva understand me..
I noe u were angry & upset wit me,
Coz I refused to ride the boat.
Did u eva consider my feelins?
The truth is, I needed to save money..
Yeah, u did offer to pay the ride..
Howeva, I dun need ur sympathy,
I juz nd u to understand me.
Understand me will do.

Dun worry guys,
I'll be alritey...
The last tin' i needed is being disparaged,
nagged at,
or being put down.
Puhleeze, i'll rather you just leave me alone.
Sumtymes, i juz wonder-
who can be the one who could truly understands me..
The most tat pple cud do is perhaps,
to lend a ear & listen to all my perennial endless ramblings.
So, I prefer keepin' all other probs to myself..
Rather den lettin' sumeone else carry tis burden.

Y muz lyfe be tis complicated?
I'll say no more. Except-
Ya Allah, semoga segala doaku dimakbulkan...
Amin.





with love, syahida at 3/03/2005 12:01:00 AM

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