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My heart is questionin'
In search for the rite answer... Why muz I still live wit so many probs? How cud I solve these probs? I tried to shove 'em all away... But all my efforts are of waste. I'm afraid to go on wit lyfe, I'm horrified to know my future. I'm confused... Most of the tyme, I get so bummed out.. I will just lose my composure and break down cryin' Tat's me.... Lookin' cheery & perky on the outside, grinning everytyme u see me, but i'm just putting on a front you see... Deep, deep down inside i'll weep in silence... Ya Allah, y muz my lyfe be tis complicated? Sigh... :'( I nd to find a job quick. I dun wanna burden my mum. I dun wanna sadden her any longer.. lyke wat sum idiots did.. She look so sickly, goin' for two jobs in alternate daes. Rushin' frm one to another job.. I hate seein' her in tat condition, tryin' to find money for our survival. Well, probably it's my fault- I dint take the bond. I shud have taken it, liten sum burdens off my mum.. But, y can't my sis help her MORE?!? Instead, she tries to drain my mum's happines out.. (If u r readin' tis, figure out urself.) Puhleeze, stop hurtin' mum any longer... Any respect I once had for u, was now day by day gone, for I thought to myself, "How could you do, this despicable thing to MY Mom"? Mum, When I look at your face, Wit tears runnin' down, I often lose my balance & place & a frown appears across my face.. Mommy, puhleeze dun cry, It hurts me so.. I sumtymes wish daddy never had to go, So that you wouldn't feel so low.. I neva feel rite, Wen u neva smyle, Its lyke u've lost ur eyesight... Meanwhile there's a whole diff lyfestyle, Still waitin' to fight its way thru.. Mommy, puhleeze dun cry.. Isn't there anytin' I can do? I noe u said u're happy, but I noe tats a lie.. I hate how u dun sleep at nite, It bothers me to the bone- It makes lyfe seems so plain and white.. Mommy, I feel the same way, Puhleeze dun tin' tat u're alone.. Mommy, puhleeze dun cry.. I lurve u so much. You may have lost daddy, But you haven't lost his loving touch. How I wish dad's still here, Helpin' to build up pieces of our broken family back.. Dear Jannah, u really wanna noe y I cried the other dae? There are so many probs tormentin' me.. I'm sick & tired of it all.. One of those was money- The thought of it juz hurts me so. It seems tat u dint understand me, Well nobody did eva understand me.. I noe u were angry & upset wit me, Coz I refused to ride the boat. Did u eva consider my feelins? The truth is, I needed to save money.. Yeah, u did offer to pay the ride.. Howeva, I dun need ur sympathy, I juz nd u to understand me. Understand me will do. Dun worry guys, I'll be alritey... The last tin' i needed is being disparaged, nagged at, or being put down. Puhleeze, i'll rather you just leave me alone. Sumtymes, i juz wonder- who can be the one who could truly understands me.. The most tat pple cud do is perhaps, to lend a ear & listen to all my perennial endless ramblings. So, I prefer keepin' all other probs to myself.. Rather den lettin' sumeone else carry tis burden. Y muz lyfe be tis complicated? I'll say no more. Except- Ya Allah, semoga segala doaku dimakbulkan... Amin. ♥ with love, syahida ♥ at 3/03/2005 12:01:00 AM ![]() ![]() ![]() |