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I tot I'm gonna be happy, But now I noe, Everytin' is juz an illusion... I hate my lyfe. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, I got back my bio results. I scored 'B'. 'Alhamdulillah'... I pass. I'm astonished. I tot I cud have done better. Sigh... No, I can't be over confident next tyme. And aniwae, I'm a total useless creature wen it cumes to science. Shit lah!!!!!!!!!!! Watever!!!!!!!!!!!! It has passed. I juz need to buck up... Pathetic. Next astonishin' tin was, Esprit called me up! TODAY! The next tin' I knew was tat, I was grinnin'. I'm so happy. Notin' describes it more. However, later I received a call... Esprit in-charge(EIN): Syahida? I'm from Esprit Raffles... Me: Yeah huh... EIN: So I wanna double confirm ur timetable. Juz now u msged me sayin' u can only werk on 1 week day. We need sumbdy who can werk on 2 weekdays. Me: (Wat the...) Yeah. But tis is only for the cumin' week. EIN: How 'bout the rest of the weeks? Me: (Sigh..) Tis is only for the cumin' week. EIN: Dun get confused now. The rest of the weeks leh? Me: (Haiyah! Shit ah! Dun understand is it? Who's the confused one!) I'm actually havin' exams tis cumin' week, so the schedule won't be similar nxt week. EIN: Oh, we need sumbdy who have stable schedule u noe. I dun want to employ staffs who keep changin' their werkin' hours. Wen can u double confirm ur timetable? Me: (Giordano even not lyke tis!) Erm... Monday? EIN: Yeah ok. Bye. Me: (Shit ah!) Bye. Tis is how the conversation goes. Probably. I can't rmmbr well. The conversatn made a deep impact at me. I was saddenned by it. Lucky Jannah was online. So, I confide in her.... Thx Jannah. I'm sorry to burden/trouble u wit all my endless ramblings. I hate my lyfe. Can I go away? :'( Everyday I tot of dyin'... No, I can't. It's wrong in Islam. I dun wanna carry a heavy sin on me. Tis is juz complications tat GOD had tested on me. One after another... Yesterday, 17/March- Went out wit Siti to Town. She's so diff. Vast change. From bad to worse. Really a minah now tho she neva accept the fact. Sorry, it's the fact I'm statin' here. Well, it's ur lyfe. Bein' ur good fren(am I still?), I can only advice u. It's ur lyfe, ur sins. Seriously, it's lyke as if I juz knew u. So difficult for me to confide my probs in u. I tot wen I met u yesterdae, I cud pour all my probs out. My tots are of waste. However, I'm so happy to meet u after such a long tyme. Miss u my dear fren... Yeah, we went to play pool. Fun. She paid for it all- Thx Siti. I sound so PATHETIC! I HATE ME! ARGH!!!!!!!!! Why do pple have to pay for my expenses? Why!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! :'( *FYI, I'm cryin' now...............................................................................................................* HATE IT SO! Thx Siti... Thank u...... Tho u've changed, u still managed to make me smyle. Puhleeze... promise me, if I go 1st, u'll stop drinkin' & smokin' k? Promise me u'll change the way u live now. Ur lyfe I mean... Sorry for bein' naggy. I care 4 u, u noe. Tin' bout how/wat ur parents had to go thru to brin' u up. Still rmmbr the tyme went ur mum was in hospital? ARGH!!!!!!!!! 4get the past. Useless. Juz hurts me more. After a fun, interestin' game playin' pool, mum wanted to meet me at Eunos. Gonna go Expo. There's a $5 facial treatment by CNI. Mum knew one of the pple werkin' there. Her long, lost pal frm 6 yr ol'. Noe wat? Her pal gonna be a million-dollar lady next yr due to CNI company! So good............................. I was pampered. Really pampered. She massaged & cleanse my face. I felt relieved from all the stress out there. At least for a few minutes tho... Nice experience. I recommend all u pple out there to go too! =) Today went out wit Jannah. Only two of us. Went to Bugis 1st to browse ard. Den we saw these shawls & Jannah purchased 2. 1 for me, & 1 for her. I'm so touched by wat she did. Words can't describe her kindness. I dunno how I'm gonna repay her back. I dun have the cash. I juz cud pray for GOD to bless u.... Thx Jannah dear. I'll pay u back wen I got the money k. We tried puttin' the shawls on us, in Bugis's toilet. (Searched high & low for the toilet. =P) There's many pple in there. So paiseh, but wat the heck. Juz wear ah... Pple see so wat? Den, we went to Tamp. There's tis 2 cute little boys, bringin' plastics of 'kerepeks' ard, askin' for donation. I can't help feelin' sorry for 'em. I dun have the money. Lucky got Jannah, she donated. She too sympathises 'em. 10 bucks for 3 packets of 'kerepeks'. Noe wat? They run here & there, tryin' hard to ask pple to donate but there was lyke NONE of 'em. Selfish Tampinesians! Sorry to all out there. Jannah, I'll pay u back k. I can't help bein' 'terhutang budi'. Oh yeah I asked 'em to go to Eunos. Better pple there. Walked ard Tamp... Went to This Fashion & tried on sum outfits. I'm useless ain't I? Juz afford to dream but can't afford to make my dreams happen... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I juz wanna escape frm tis torturin' world!!!!!!!!! Ya Allah, tolonglah hambamu ini... Wait, got sumtin' to show u pple. ![]() Tis lil gurl is Jannah. The pic below: Jannah on the rite & her sis left. ![]() To Jannah: Ur secrets save wit me. Dun worry k. I hope we can be much, much more closer together- sharin' secrets, joys & sorrows.. shoulder to cry on... U r a wonderful buddy, always there wen I need sumbdy. Thx 4 all tat u did for me. I hope I can repay u back. Thx alot. Pls dun associate me wit tat person anymore. ='( To Nisa: I regard u as my elder sis. Thx 4 carin' for me. I'm sorry if ever I hurt ur feelins. I'm juz not ready to confide in u. I noe, u r really a great fren, one tat I can rely on wen I am down. Out of the three, I noe u r the one who understands me the most. I feel tat it's hard to confide in u. I will, wen I'm ready & wen we r much more closer. To Nurul: Do u realised we have drifted apart? It's because u sort of left us. I changed attitude towards u coz ur attitude towards me weren't tat gud. Ponder urself wat I mean by tat. Usually, wen pple are gud to me, I'll be gud to 'em. Meanies received bad attitudes frm me. Not tat u r mean lah, I noe u have a great heart. U care for others too. It's juz tat, sumtymes, u r bein' too self-centred. Watch ur tongue an actions gurl. Coz sum1 may get hurt by it soon. Oh ya, get a lyfe, be urself. I miss my dear Nurul. The bubbly one who cares 'bout others. To everybody tat I noe: Dearest frens, thx for everytin'.... Wanna ask u a Qs: If I had 1 day to live, wat wud u do?
♥ with love, syahida ♥ at 3/18/2005 08:10:00 PM ![]() ![]() ![]() |