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stolen soul

My heart is jaded
Completely desolate inside
No longer feel alive

Depleted by negativity
Drained of all emotion
Impalpable to society
Always feeling like there is no place here for me

Now an isolated figure
so far away
Time has broken me
And plagued my memory

Detached from myself
Walking empty and alone
Soulless victim
Angel of misery



gugurnya tugu ilusi

Terhimpit pilu di dada,
Mengalir deras air mata,
Kala sepi terus melanda,
Sayu, pilu ku terasa...

Sewaktu dingin malam berlalu,
Bintang menjadi tempat mengadu,
Persoalan membelengu diri,
Duka menghiris hati ini.

Apakah memang ku bersalah?
Untuk memendam rasa cinta?
Adakah benar cinta yang ku alami?
Atau hanya sekadar ilusi?

Pabila ku hampir terlena,
Pelukan bayangmu yang ku rasa,
Alunan suaramu membisik sayu di telinga,
Lakaran wajahmu menghiasi mimpi indah...

Akan ku musnahkan tugu harapan,
Akan ku anggap kau sebagai teman,
Sekiranya kita berdua,
Tidak ditakdirkan bersama...



unanswered?

What has my lyfe morphed into?
I've been hurt,
Wounded ever so deeply.
But does anyone care?
You, you, or even you?
No, everybody's juz busy wit their lyfes.
Carin' for their own happiness,
Oblivious to the surrounding.
The fake, "I care for u!" phrase,
I'm tired of it all.
Just let me weep & cry in silence.
Let my heart bleed.
Coz it doesn't matter to u,
No it doesn't.
U dun even wonder y.
Do u?

Shattered,
Broken,
Hurt,
Tired,
Wounded,
Bruised,
Unanswered?

Wearin' a fake smile,
I enclosed the sadness in me..
I create lame jokes,
To liven up the joyness within me.
But does it really lasts long?
Am I that strong?
To hide how hurt I am?
Am I?

Leave me alone.
For all that matters now,
Im gonna be like u-
Ignorant to everytin'
It's no use to pretend that u care,
I'm dead.
Every hour & minute,
Is my death...



hanya untuk mu...

Tatkala bintang menemani bumi,
Memori dahulu ku kupas kembali.
Rindu pun bertandang,
Kemasyghulan menyelimuti hati...

Berbaring pada ambin kebingungan,
Aku menyelak tabir kenangan,
Mencari penamat beribu soalan...
"Mengapa? Mengapa? Aku gugup.

Seringkali bayangan mu diingati,
Kesyahduan menenggelami jiwa.
Aku dambakan belaian mu,
Tangan yang mengusap lembut dahiku...

Namun, semuanya telah ditelan waktu.
13 tahun sudah pun berlalu.
Kau telah lama pergi dan tidak mungkin kan kembali.
Aku mengerti, kau yang lebih disayangi...

Ayah, mungkinkah dikau sedang sentiasa
mendoakan puterimu ini?
Melihatku mengorak langkah ke alam dewasa...
Dari jendela istana abadimu disana?

Hanya dapat ku titip doa,
Diiringi jernih air mataku...
Semoga Tuhan menempatkanmu di tempat
orang-orang yang beriman.
Semoga jua Tuhan mencucuri rahmat keatas rohmu...
Amin.

prinsessa

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NNaive
UUnderstanding
RReliable
SShy
YYoung
AAdorable
HHypersensitive
IIrresistible
DDreamer
AArtistic

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Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Hola! Let me recap wat had happened tis past few daes in tis entry 1st. Pardon me if wat i entered here may be incorrect. Yeah, I got bad memory. So wat? =)


Thurs, 3rd March- Went out to Seoul Garden wit my Poly frenz. Met sum of 'em at Orchard MRT station coz me & Jannah was unsure of the way. Haha. Stooopid. Nurul(happy ur name appeared here?) & Nisa wanted to meet us 1st before goin' there so we had to wait for 'em. While waitin' for those sweeties, tis guy approached us wit a 'booklet' held in his hands. We tried to back off but sumhow, he managed to converse wit us. Yeah, he rattled on & on 'bout donation thingy. Cancer kids wit insufficient funds lah... I was like, wateva. I'm in need of money too man! Not tat I was selfish lah but it's the truth! Me & Jannah was way too benignant & gullible tat everytyme pple approach us for donation, we donate.


Back to tat freakin' guy. Before we cud further back off, his fren helped him to do the 'closin'. They managed to convinced us into donatin' a sum of 10 bucks! Shreeks! They were lyke doin' sales. Clever sales tactic. Actually, the fact is, we ain't convinced. We juz wanna brush 'em aside.. Oh, u noe wat we get in return? A 'free' membership to Bistro Bar... Wat the heck! R they seekin' for pple to apply a 10bucks membership at Bistro or r they really seekin' for donaters? Have they even donated themselves?!?!?! Lucky I ain't a complaint queen. If not, by den' i'll lodge a complaint. Idiots.


Waited for those two ladies(Nurul & Nisa) to appear but there's not even a sign of their bi zi(nose)... We decided to make a move 1st.. Sorry yeap.. Oh ladies, if u did mengumpat on us, our sins r on u.. ;) Thx 4 snatchin' it tho.. =) Wooo Hooo... Here we cum Seoul Garden...... (FYI, I'm more interested in gorgin' down the ice-creams & "plasterin'" our friendshipbility den devourin' the food.)



1: Kak Suhailah & Nurul 2: The 4 Musketeers

3: Rog, Jam, Joe, SYA... =) 4: Cindy & me.


Look here, all busy, concentratin' on consumin' down their sumptuous food.
Yum. Yum. Yum. Yum. Yummy!
1: My Chinese frenz in table one. 2: Surprise!


3: Look at our mentor, Ms Joelle. I wonder wat r they talkin' bout... Hmm...
4: Frm left, Ms Joelle, Kak Su, Jannah & Nurul. Smyle & say, "Syahida so sweeeeet.."


Tis pic here shows the before, durin' & after eatin'.
Notin' better to do.


At last! After forcin' down all the food, I indulged myself in the dessert. ICE-CREAM! I SCREAM FOR ICE-CREAM!


We played lyfe games as a whole group den Nurul, Nisa, Jannah & me planned to go off 1st.
Oh ya, tis outin' costs 10 bucks. And hey, before leavin', we took a group photo together.
Sum of 'em were not in the photoes as they did not join tis small "outin'". Let me intro u to 'em... Oh, can u spot me?


Frm left, 2nd row standin': Ting2, Kak Su, Nisa, Nurul, Jannah, Me, Juan2, Ping2 & Ah Choo.
Frm left 1st row, sittin': Ms Joelle(mentor), Choy Fung, Tracy, Benjamin, Fung Lun & Cindy.
Those excluded frm the photo are: Gloria, Ying Ming, Siddiq, Ming Jing, Xue Qin, Siew Hui, Joanna, Shafiqah Huda, Rahayu, Jeyamalar, Sharon, Li Zhen, Jiang Feng & Phui Yun.


We, the 4 organs, headed to Wak DinDang at Tamp, after meetin' Lydia at Orchard. Seriously, it's such a boring place. No offence but I'm totally clueless at wat Nisa & Nurul define 'nice' there. Weird pair.



Fri, 4th March- Sentosa was cancelled last minute! Hmph! So, I decided to help mum out in her stall...

Sat, 5th March- Met Shahidah at City Hall coz we were 'commanded' to choose a nice, edible, halal, yummylicious cake for another Shahidah's bdae. Went to Carrefour to choose a cake. It was so long since I last met Shahidah! She looked so different! Long, rebonded, hair.


We were a bit late. Shahida has no idea tat both of us, Shahidah & Syahida(me) were cumin' wit a cake. It was Badriah's & Amirah's idea. They told us to lite up the cake too. Too bad, we dunno how to lit the candles. I'm afraid of fire, no lighters for me. Hahahaha. Reached Esplanade at ard 3:30..


Left: Shahidah. Rite: Me, Syahida.

1st pic: Me & bdae gurl(Shahida)
2nd pic: Choco cake- In case u can't figure out wat it is... =)
3rd pic: Amirah & bdae gurl
The two pics shows the slicin' of the cake.


After cuttin' the cake, Shahidah den had to go at 4. Hahaha... She went there only for 1/2 an
hour. The rest of us headed to Paradiz to play pool.




Waitin' outside for an empty pool table. Pathetic.
Badriah(Bad), Amirah(Myra) & Kerazy, adorable me..
Look how untidy our area is. We look lyke teenagers who have no place to go.
Hahas.


Hahaha... still waitin' & can take pics..
Myra & me..


It's very interestin' playin' pool. Psst. Let me tell u a secret, I dunno how to play. But tat's not it. Actually, Myra dunno how to play too! Oh, n once while she's gearin' up to hit the ball, so semangat, suddenly the ball JUMP out of the table. I repeat. JUMP! Hahahahahahhaha.... And there's one more. I actually hit a guy-behind-me's butt wit the stick. Wei, accidentally ok. I'm no chi ko pek. Back to the game. I learnt how to play at last wit the help of Bad & Kid(Fayadhah) Yeay! Phee weet. Anibodie wanna go out for a game of pool? Chey....




Oh man! I look lyke a kiddo here! Tis was actually taken at Mac.


Frm left: Bad, Kid & me! U noe where we r sittin' on? Baby's eatin' chair! Luckily it was hidden & not obvious. Hahaha...
After enjoyin' ourselves playin' pool wit a total cost of 9 bucks, we went home.
Now, I'm addicted to pool. Sheesh!


Tues, 8 March- Skills assessment. The lecturer really is a freak. Keep on shoutin' at me as if I'm a doll. As if I got no feelins. Hate u. Tears was wellin' up in me eyes. In no tyme, it cud trickle down. Even my own lecturer heard her & every point of tyme wen tat freak shouted at me, she turn to look. God's will, I pass. Sigh... The prob is, I dunno if I passed well or border line. Heck care lah, at least it's all over. But she hurt me! Hmpph!


Wed, 9 March- Went to Esprit at Raffles for interview. Tracy recommended me to the in-charge there. I din't get it. I tot I cud but no. Shucks! I nd money! I nd a job! QUICK! Their reason for not takin' me in was: No more place for part-timers. Need full-timers. 'O'-lvl students still livin' & kickin', helpin' in the store. (I exaggerate.) Yeah, yeah, yeah.... So wat if I dint get it. I'll try next tyme. Again. Probably.


Thurs, 10 March- Bio Practical! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! Noe y? I studied last min. lack of discipline. Noe wat? Every single dae before the exam, I sat wit the books in front of me. But, I dint study. Hahaha. Juz posin' wit the books. Let's see the result later...


Sun, 13 March- Attended Shahidah's sis weddin'. So many pple. So many Makciks. So nervous.


Mon, 14 March- Mandarin exam. I studied last minute for tis too! Haha. Alah, juz an elective. If I scored well, my luck. If not tat well, den 'Alhamdulillah'. At least I pass.. Well, lets see the result later..


K lah. Till den. I'll update more. Sum of my lyfe events cudnt include here. U noe y. Toodles, Smuackiezz & Smuachiezz!

with love, syahida at 3/16/2005 11:57:00 PM

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