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stolen soul

My heart is jaded
Completely desolate inside
No longer feel alive

Depleted by negativity
Drained of all emotion
Impalpable to society
Always feeling like there is no place here for me

Now an isolated figure
so far away
Time has broken me
And plagued my memory

Detached from myself
Walking empty and alone
Soulless victim
Angel of misery



gugurnya tugu ilusi

Terhimpit pilu di dada,
Mengalir deras air mata,
Kala sepi terus melanda,
Sayu, pilu ku terasa...

Sewaktu dingin malam berlalu,
Bintang menjadi tempat mengadu,
Persoalan membelengu diri,
Duka menghiris hati ini.

Apakah memang ku bersalah?
Untuk memendam rasa cinta?
Adakah benar cinta yang ku alami?
Atau hanya sekadar ilusi?

Pabila ku hampir terlena,
Pelukan bayangmu yang ku rasa,
Alunan suaramu membisik sayu di telinga,
Lakaran wajahmu menghiasi mimpi indah...

Akan ku musnahkan tugu harapan,
Akan ku anggap kau sebagai teman,
Sekiranya kita berdua,
Tidak ditakdirkan bersama...



unanswered?

What has my lyfe morphed into?
I've been hurt,
Wounded ever so deeply.
But does anyone care?
You, you, or even you?
No, everybody's juz busy wit their lyfes.
Carin' for their own happiness,
Oblivious to the surrounding.
The fake, "I care for u!" phrase,
I'm tired of it all.
Just let me weep & cry in silence.
Let my heart bleed.
Coz it doesn't matter to u,
No it doesn't.
U dun even wonder y.
Do u?

Shattered,
Broken,
Hurt,
Tired,
Wounded,
Bruised,
Unanswered?

Wearin' a fake smile,
I enclosed the sadness in me..
I create lame jokes,
To liven up the joyness within me.
But does it really lasts long?
Am I that strong?
To hide how hurt I am?
Am I?

Leave me alone.
For all that matters now,
Im gonna be like u-
Ignorant to everytin'
It's no use to pretend that u care,
I'm dead.
Every hour & minute,
Is my death...



hanya untuk mu...

Tatkala bintang menemani bumi,
Memori dahulu ku kupas kembali.
Rindu pun bertandang,
Kemasyghulan menyelimuti hati...

Berbaring pada ambin kebingungan,
Aku menyelak tabir kenangan,
Mencari penamat beribu soalan...
"Mengapa? Mengapa? Aku gugup.

Seringkali bayangan mu diingati,
Kesyahduan menenggelami jiwa.
Aku dambakan belaian mu,
Tangan yang mengusap lembut dahiku...

Namun, semuanya telah ditelan waktu.
13 tahun sudah pun berlalu.
Kau telah lama pergi dan tidak mungkin kan kembali.
Aku mengerti, kau yang lebih disayangi...

Ayah, mungkinkah dikau sedang sentiasa
mendoakan puterimu ini?
Melihatku mengorak langkah ke alam dewasa...
Dari jendela istana abadimu disana?

Hanya dapat ku titip doa,
Diiringi jernih air mataku...
Semoga Tuhan menempatkanmu di tempat
orang-orang yang beriman.
Semoga jua Tuhan mencucuri rahmat keatas rohmu...
Amin.

prinsessa

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NNaive
UUnderstanding
RReliable
SShy
YYoung
AAdorable
HHypersensitive
IIrresistible
DDreamer
AArtistic

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Thursday, December 22, 2005

i'm juz soooo pissed i hate pple to juz misjudge me anyhow.. watever lah. dun want all this stupidness 2 spoil my mood 2dae...

i had fun juz now durin' attachmt. thought tat everytin's gonna be damn borin' but it turns out the other way! here lemme recap bck...


it was rainin' n the bus was really, really , reeeaaaaaaallllyyyy slllooooooooowwwwwwwwww (lyke jannah.. haha). i tot i was late n 2 make tins worst, i dint carry any device which showed the time. doinks! i tried catchin' glimpse of the tyme in other pples watches. dah mcm org giler! phew, i reached there in time n i saw tis nurul beruk waitin' 4 the lift... haha. oh ya, nurul lost her money- a total of 350 bucks! byk tau... kesian... if only i've got the money to replace 4 the lost.. whoever stole her money- may u lost ur money too!!! double the money tat u stole... ahahahaha. ("doa anak yatim pasti terkabul"- my mum always says) bck to today..


1:15pm- went down wit my dear beruk n bought choco waffles.
1:25pm- wati called: where r u? lecturer's lookin' for u.. us: oh, oh...
1:27pm- lecturer: where did u go?
nurul: downstairs
me: urm, ward 44 to see other patients
nurul:eh, ward 44 kat tepi lah.. (tak tahu nak tipu btol ni beruk tau..)
lecturer: u cannot juz leave the ward u noe..
me: yeah, here sooooo boring lah.
kak suhailah's makin' tat angry face at us... hehehe...
2pm- pass report.


-------fast foward------


4-4:45pm- went for break n eat ice-cream! oh, we actually went to the pharmacy n while we waited for the medicatn, we played pepsi cola! hahahaha.... childish btol...
5-5:30pm- waited for the pt outside the toilet door n played pepsi cola again. meanwhile, kak suhailah's makin' 'business' in the other loo as well... tunggu punya tunggu, we played 'wonderwoman' n 'how gangsters behave durin' a fight as well' tis, u gotta see. hahaha!!!! u wont believe how cute n adorable we r!
6:30pm-7pm- send bladder scans to other wards n played 'wonderwoman' again! hehehe... actually the game goes lyke tis- we pretend as tho we r wonderwomen, out there to save the world. wenever theres sumbdy, we hv to change bck to our real selves, if not, pple will noe our true identity. kids not allowed to see us coz they will noe who we r. we r their inspiration, we r their heroines... ceh...
7pm-7:30pm- buy cake n shared. mcm ader party gitu! padahal cume 3 org... in the tea room, we switched off the lights n lie down on the chair. nurul switched on her hp lights n kak su played shadow wit her hands.. cute kan!!!! i mean, all 3 of us! the funny part is wen i said wat if sumbdy juz barged thru the door wen we r lying down. kak su tot i was sayin' the real tin' n she quickly sit up!!!! nurul n I cudnt stop laughin' seein' kak su's comical reactn. haha... clown abis....
7:30pm - 9pm- slacked all the way at the pantry... staff nurse sume tak marah!!! the enrolled nurse even joined us... kesian zhiang feng... she's bored to death n do u believe it? she has read almost all the magz in the ward n tis certain chinese mag for 3 tymes! bck to us- me n my dear beruk challenged each other on tying plaids! yeahness, i won... eh, my hair's silkier ohkay.... tak tahu malu nye bacin! den we played takin' tins out frm magz... (dun understand wat the hell we doin'? u dun nd too.. =)..) later on, wrote lyrics... hahaha merepek.


on the way bck- walked home wit nurul huda, kak su n my dear beruk, nurul shafiqah. we sang one stupid song tat we made up on the way.. kak su n tat huda tak layan kitorg! how sad... but, kitorg tetep chill. we r hepi pple tat dae...


in the bus- fulllamakkkkk!!!!!!!! smelly, smelly, smelly armpits everywhere! bus is super crowded! super smelly! super noisy! shall not comment any further...


k lah... nurul, be happy always k!!!!!!!!!!!! hope we found a large amt of money to make up the lost we had!!!!!!!!!!! n jannah n lydia, miss ya pple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! muahs to all! toodles!!!!


lurve,

with love, syahida at 12/22/2005 10:57:00 PM

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