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stolen soul

My heart is jaded
Completely desolate inside
No longer feel alive

Depleted by negativity
Drained of all emotion
Impalpable to society
Always feeling like there is no place here for me

Now an isolated figure
so far away
Time has broken me
And plagued my memory

Detached from myself
Walking empty and alone
Soulless victim
Angel of misery



gugurnya tugu ilusi

Terhimpit pilu di dada,
Mengalir deras air mata,
Kala sepi terus melanda,
Sayu, pilu ku terasa...

Sewaktu dingin malam berlalu,
Bintang menjadi tempat mengadu,
Persoalan membelengu diri,
Duka menghiris hati ini.

Apakah memang ku bersalah?
Untuk memendam rasa cinta?
Adakah benar cinta yang ku alami?
Atau hanya sekadar ilusi?

Pabila ku hampir terlena,
Pelukan bayangmu yang ku rasa,
Alunan suaramu membisik sayu di telinga,
Lakaran wajahmu menghiasi mimpi indah...

Akan ku musnahkan tugu harapan,
Akan ku anggap kau sebagai teman,
Sekiranya kita berdua,
Tidak ditakdirkan bersama...



unanswered?

What has my lyfe morphed into?
I've been hurt,
Wounded ever so deeply.
But does anyone care?
You, you, or even you?
No, everybody's juz busy wit their lyfes.
Carin' for their own happiness,
Oblivious to the surrounding.
The fake, "I care for u!" phrase,
I'm tired of it all.
Just let me weep & cry in silence.
Let my heart bleed.
Coz it doesn't matter to u,
No it doesn't.
U dun even wonder y.
Do u?

Shattered,
Broken,
Hurt,
Tired,
Wounded,
Bruised,
Unanswered?

Wearin' a fake smile,
I enclosed the sadness in me..
I create lame jokes,
To liven up the joyness within me.
But does it really lasts long?
Am I that strong?
To hide how hurt I am?
Am I?

Leave me alone.
For all that matters now,
Im gonna be like u-
Ignorant to everytin'
It's no use to pretend that u care,
I'm dead.
Every hour & minute,
Is my death...



hanya untuk mu...

Tatkala bintang menemani bumi,
Memori dahulu ku kupas kembali.
Rindu pun bertandang,
Kemasyghulan menyelimuti hati...

Berbaring pada ambin kebingungan,
Aku menyelak tabir kenangan,
Mencari penamat beribu soalan...
"Mengapa? Mengapa? Aku gugup.

Seringkali bayangan mu diingati,
Kesyahduan menenggelami jiwa.
Aku dambakan belaian mu,
Tangan yang mengusap lembut dahiku...

Namun, semuanya telah ditelan waktu.
13 tahun sudah pun berlalu.
Kau telah lama pergi dan tidak mungkin kan kembali.
Aku mengerti, kau yang lebih disayangi...

Ayah, mungkinkah dikau sedang sentiasa
mendoakan puterimu ini?
Melihatku mengorak langkah ke alam dewasa...
Dari jendela istana abadimu disana?

Hanya dapat ku titip doa,
Diiringi jernih air mataku...
Semoga Tuhan menempatkanmu di tempat
orang-orang yang beriman.
Semoga jua Tuhan mencucuri rahmat keatas rohmu...
Amin.

prinsessa

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NNaive
UUnderstanding
RReliable
SShy
YYoung
AAdorable
HHypersensitive
IIrresistible
DDreamer
AArtistic

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

2 MONTHS MORE FOR FOLLOW-UP MEDICAL APPOINTMENT

Uhuh.. went to Polyclinic 3 wks back regarding some medical prob & was referred to KK Hosp on Mon Aug 7th. After the male doc assessed me, he told me that I have to cum back for blood tests. I would also have to come back 2 mths later (Oct, fasting month) for an ultrasound scan n for further consultation with another Doc. Pray hard there's no serious complications affecting me ya.. Wait, if I do get warded, please visit me. =) I'll keep u guys updated on the scanning n blood tests results ya.

Aniwae, had my Napfa test last Tues, a day after the med apptmt. How well was it? Nah... I failed. N it really surprises me a bit tho. Prob I juz dint train hard enuff. Or maybe, now I'm fatter as compared durin' my sec sch days. Hey, but I only failed my 2.4km run ohkie.. n it's juz by 30 secs. N if I dint stop runnin' due to the "stitch" I had on my left tummy, I might have pass. watever Syahida, watever. hehehe... excuses. truth is, i'm juz not fit. not fit anymore. sigh, i juz wish to retake it lah... nvm, it's over.

Now, bout sch. Projects will never end. N now, i have to lead my group wit this "chemotherapy" project. Hopefully all goes well... research, n more research needs to be done. So, very, the stressful u noe.. Yeah, not goin' to lectures a lot now tho. juz tired ah.. n lazy. heeeh..

Work? Feelin' lazy to work has reached the peak again. But, without work, no money ah.. haiyoh.. I tin' I shud stop infestin' my blog wit- "I'm lazy to work." phrase. Instead, I shud start lurvin' my job coz... work= money=happiness=experience=hobby=n many, many more.. btw, we'll be havin' D&D on the 21st!!! Our theme- X'men. I badly wanna wear Rogue but I'm juz a part-timer so, nah... but, being like 'Rogue' is my childhood dream u noe.. hehe. N yah, I lurve 'Gambit' but he appeared only in the cartoons. If only Mr Director added Gambit as one of the character in X-men4 (provided, if there is X-men4..), I'd be the most happiest person on earth. hahahahahaha. Gambit, wit his red spiky hair.. (awww...) n his cute eyes.. (pheeweet) n his sweet smile.. (sigh..) his voice, his personality... (melts..) hahahaha. Syahida, Syahida...
If only the X-men director came across my blog.. dreams on....

Ohkay pple. let's get back to the track. oh yah, almost forgotten. I also went to Zara last Tues after my Napfa. My cuzzie n her hubby actually gave me n my sis a Zara voucher worth 100 bucks each to spend!!! Yeahnessss.. It's actually our advanced burfdae gift. Thx, double thx, thriple thx to u guyz!!!! Muah, muah.
Moga2 rezeki anda sekeluarga bertambah. Amin.
I got only 2 tops n my sis, 5 tops. Well, she took the cheaper one tat's y she had more, of course.
N.. I was also damn tired so I was lazy to fit in. Yes, satisfied is the word. I felt satisfied wit wat I took. Well, almost.. I tot of xchanging one top coz mum says it looks funny. but the really humorous tin' was, i ask her the next dae n she said, it's nice! totally contradicting man...
mum, mum... u're funny.


OOOoooKKKiiiieee lar pple. Guess my entry ends here.. Muahs, muahs n muahs to everybdy!!! Toodleeeeeessssss!!!

with love, syahida at 8/15/2006 09:54:00 PM

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