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stolen soul

My heart is jaded
Completely desolate inside
No longer feel alive

Depleted by negativity
Drained of all emotion
Impalpable to society
Always feeling like there is no place here for me

Now an isolated figure
so far away
Time has broken me
And plagued my memory

Detached from myself
Walking empty and alone
Soulless victim
Angel of misery



gugurnya tugu ilusi

Terhimpit pilu di dada,
Mengalir deras air mata,
Kala sepi terus melanda,
Sayu, pilu ku terasa...

Sewaktu dingin malam berlalu,
Bintang menjadi tempat mengadu,
Persoalan membelengu diri,
Duka menghiris hati ini.

Apakah memang ku bersalah?
Untuk memendam rasa cinta?
Adakah benar cinta yang ku alami?
Atau hanya sekadar ilusi?

Pabila ku hampir terlena,
Pelukan bayangmu yang ku rasa,
Alunan suaramu membisik sayu di telinga,
Lakaran wajahmu menghiasi mimpi indah...

Akan ku musnahkan tugu harapan,
Akan ku anggap kau sebagai teman,
Sekiranya kita berdua,
Tidak ditakdirkan bersama...



unanswered?

What has my lyfe morphed into?
I've been hurt,
Wounded ever so deeply.
But does anyone care?
You, you, or even you?
No, everybody's juz busy wit their lyfes.
Carin' for their own happiness,
Oblivious to the surrounding.
The fake, "I care for u!" phrase,
I'm tired of it all.
Just let me weep & cry in silence.
Let my heart bleed.
Coz it doesn't matter to u,
No it doesn't.
U dun even wonder y.
Do u?

Shattered,
Broken,
Hurt,
Tired,
Wounded,
Bruised,
Unanswered?

Wearin' a fake smile,
I enclosed the sadness in me..
I create lame jokes,
To liven up the joyness within me.
But does it really lasts long?
Am I that strong?
To hide how hurt I am?
Am I?

Leave me alone.
For all that matters now,
Im gonna be like u-
Ignorant to everytin'
It's no use to pretend that u care,
I'm dead.
Every hour & minute,
Is my death...



hanya untuk mu...

Tatkala bintang menemani bumi,
Memori dahulu ku kupas kembali.
Rindu pun bertandang,
Kemasyghulan menyelimuti hati...

Berbaring pada ambin kebingungan,
Aku menyelak tabir kenangan,
Mencari penamat beribu soalan...
"Mengapa? Mengapa? Aku gugup.

Seringkali bayangan mu diingati,
Kesyahduan menenggelami jiwa.
Aku dambakan belaian mu,
Tangan yang mengusap lembut dahiku...

Namun, semuanya telah ditelan waktu.
13 tahun sudah pun berlalu.
Kau telah lama pergi dan tidak mungkin kan kembali.
Aku mengerti, kau yang lebih disayangi...

Ayah, mungkinkah dikau sedang sentiasa
mendoakan puterimu ini?
Melihatku mengorak langkah ke alam dewasa...
Dari jendela istana abadimu disana?

Hanya dapat ku titip doa,
Diiringi jernih air mataku...
Semoga Tuhan menempatkanmu di tempat
orang-orang yang beriman.
Semoga jua Tuhan mencucuri rahmat keatas rohmu...
Amin.

prinsessa

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NNaive
UUnderstanding
RReliable
SShy
YYoung
AAdorable
HHypersensitive
IIrresistible
DDreamer
AArtistic

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Monday, August 20, 2007

keep worryin' and worryin' bout work...
juz can't get it out of my chest...
y do u have to be damn weak syahida!
WHY? ='(
i've neva felt so lonely and troubled at the same time.
til it reaches to an extent tat i feel it's easier if i put an end to my life.
yes, i noe. it's sinful. and yes, i noe i have to be strong like wat many advised.
-don't lose hope
-give urself some chance
-dun tin' negative
but it's not easy u see. i'm a weakling. weak- juz very weak.

"Ya Allah, hanya engkau sahaja yang memahami perasaan ku ini. Dan kepada engkau jua aku memohon pertolongan dan perlindungan demi hidupku ini. Amin."

and mum, i'm VERY greatful to have u. neva will there be any other mum tat cud replace u in my life. i'm awed at how strong u r to care for 5 stubborn children of urs since dad passed away. without u, i dun tin' i wud survive up til now. and without ur prayers, i dun tin' i can struggle my way thru conflicts. time n time again u've always been there for me. makin' limitless sacrifices for me n my siblings. my gratitude to u is deeper den tis, mum.
mum, if eva i go away before u do, i apologise for all my sins. i'm sorry to have hurt ur feelins.
also, if eva i wud hurt ur feelins in the near future, i apologise before hand. i'm extremely sorry and i lurve u loads. thanks mum for EVERYTHING.

as i said earlier, i feel very lonely and troubled.
actually, i planned to spend my day in the library readin' books.
but i dun have the mood.
so, i stayed home. but after a while, i feel restless.
hence, decided to go down to shop wit sis.
that's her.



and that's me.



and this, is our residential area.



on our way to the shops.



after spendin' bout 20 bucks on rubbishities, we headed back home.
that's her AGAIN.



that's me. the SHORT me.



i felt bored so, i ended up rentin' vcds, havin' my own mini movie marathon at home.



1 more left to view. til den. gd bye n sleep well pple.
toodles. muahs.

clouds do cry too wen it's heavily burdened.

with love, syahida at 8/20/2007 11:05:00 PM

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