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stolen soul

My heart is jaded
Completely desolate inside
No longer feel alive

Depleted by negativity
Drained of all emotion
Impalpable to society
Always feeling like there is no place here for me

Now an isolated figure
so far away
Time has broken me
And plagued my memory

Detached from myself
Walking empty and alone
Soulless victim
Angel of misery



gugurnya tugu ilusi

Terhimpit pilu di dada,
Mengalir deras air mata,
Kala sepi terus melanda,
Sayu, pilu ku terasa...

Sewaktu dingin malam berlalu,
Bintang menjadi tempat mengadu,
Persoalan membelengu diri,
Duka menghiris hati ini.

Apakah memang ku bersalah?
Untuk memendam rasa cinta?
Adakah benar cinta yang ku alami?
Atau hanya sekadar ilusi?

Pabila ku hampir terlena,
Pelukan bayangmu yang ku rasa,
Alunan suaramu membisik sayu di telinga,
Lakaran wajahmu menghiasi mimpi indah...

Akan ku musnahkan tugu harapan,
Akan ku anggap kau sebagai teman,
Sekiranya kita berdua,
Tidak ditakdirkan bersama...



unanswered?

What has my lyfe morphed into?
I've been hurt,
Wounded ever so deeply.
But does anyone care?
You, you, or even you?
No, everybody's juz busy wit their lyfes.
Carin' for their own happiness,
Oblivious to the surrounding.
The fake, "I care for u!" phrase,
I'm tired of it all.
Just let me weep & cry in silence.
Let my heart bleed.
Coz it doesn't matter to u,
No it doesn't.
U dun even wonder y.
Do u?

Shattered,
Broken,
Hurt,
Tired,
Wounded,
Bruised,
Unanswered?

Wearin' a fake smile,
I enclosed the sadness in me..
I create lame jokes,
To liven up the joyness within me.
But does it really lasts long?
Am I that strong?
To hide how hurt I am?
Am I?

Leave me alone.
For all that matters now,
Im gonna be like u-
Ignorant to everytin'
It's no use to pretend that u care,
I'm dead.
Every hour & minute,
Is my death...



hanya untuk mu...

Tatkala bintang menemani bumi,
Memori dahulu ku kupas kembali.
Rindu pun bertandang,
Kemasyghulan menyelimuti hati...

Berbaring pada ambin kebingungan,
Aku menyelak tabir kenangan,
Mencari penamat beribu soalan...
"Mengapa? Mengapa? Aku gugup.

Seringkali bayangan mu diingati,
Kesyahduan menenggelami jiwa.
Aku dambakan belaian mu,
Tangan yang mengusap lembut dahiku...

Namun, semuanya telah ditelan waktu.
13 tahun sudah pun berlalu.
Kau telah lama pergi dan tidak mungkin kan kembali.
Aku mengerti, kau yang lebih disayangi...

Ayah, mungkinkah dikau sedang sentiasa
mendoakan puterimu ini?
Melihatku mengorak langkah ke alam dewasa...
Dari jendela istana abadimu disana?

Hanya dapat ku titip doa,
Diiringi jernih air mataku...
Semoga Tuhan menempatkanmu di tempat
orang-orang yang beriman.
Semoga jua Tuhan mencucuri rahmat keatas rohmu...
Amin.

prinsessa

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NNaive
UUnderstanding
RReliable
SShy
YYoung
AAdorable
HHypersensitive
IIrresistible
DDreamer
AArtistic

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Sunday, January 02, 2011

Leaving behind 2010... here is 2011...
Hopefully this new year is better.

Reminiscing 2010...
Deaths, Losts, Pain, Sadness, Crazy times, Love, Aches, Happiness....

Here are some pics, which is not in order (well I tried to put them in order) which help to summarise my 2010...

Getting to know colleagues from ward 37... Officially a staff there.
Our Netball game.

 (From Left- Amy, Lina, me, Xiao Yan, Meifen, Yan Peng and Elaine)
(From Left- Lina, me, Xiao Yan, Elaine and Amy)

Breaking Fast with the Ward 37 colleagues...

(From Left- Kak Mas, Ita, Susi, Kak Wahidah and her kids, Za'idah, me, Siti & her daughter)

And then, it was Raya... Fast huh how time flies...

 (Ok, ok... instead of visiting people, my siblings and I went to eat at KFC instead... That's my irritating bro behind sticking a straw through my hair- it's DIY extension FYI)

Revamping Letchmi's room secretly with Zi Hui while she's out at work- night shift



Going out with Crazy Friends on a Crazy, wet zoo trip. A blastful and happening day it is.

(From Left: Jelai, Letchmi and me)

1st Mid-autumn Day Festival I have celebrated...

 (From Left- Zi Hui, A fellow colleague whom I can't remember the name, me, Letchmi & Elaine)

 (The beautiful lanterns...)

 (Me & the best friends)

(Lastly, a blur pic of me =p)

Gunung Lambak Expedition at Malaysia. Had a blast too! Just love the wet weather and the company though my legs are KILLING me. Outings like this makes me feel recharged and healthier.

(Clockwise starting from the pink cap- Yan Chang, me, Za'idah, Faizah, Ming Fei and Jeremy)

(Halfway through the peak of the mountain... legs already wobbly and the wet rainy day makes it more difficult to climb up the mountain.)

 (Taking a short rest to catch our breaths.)

Celebrated my bday at Sentosa... -sigh- getting older

 (The lovely scrapbook that my bestfriends did for me)

 (The beuatiful bday cake that they specially made for me... really touched.)

 (At Fort Siloso...)

 (My CRAZY friends!!! <3)

 (Pieces of scraps and pics for my scrapbook)

Going out with the best friends...

 (Letchmi & me)

(Paid and got on a small boat as I have always wanted... Not really as amazing as I have expected.)

Company's Dinner and Dance as Neytiri from avatar... 
Got popular for a day. Loads of posing for cameras and with unknown people... 
One girl even approached me n took a pic with me... Then she said-

Girl: Do you know me?
Me: *stunned* No
Girl: Then I don't know you...
Me: *thinking- wth if i know you, i would have said your name and that question you pose to me is totally unnecessary... you are not miss popular for me to KNOW you... sheesh*

I'm not being snobbish just cause I dress that way but ugh... kinda difficult to explain it here.

 (Farhah & me)

 (Some unknown Kakak & me)

 (Siti & me)

Celebrated Zi hui's Bday at Nabins and later, Haagen Daz at Clarke Quay...
(Letchmi's lamb)

 (Zi Hui's Chicken)

(Our drinks)
  
(My lovely Sama' Ma'li... yummm)
 
 (Our finished food)


 (Haagen Daz with a really full tummy)


 (And her bday cake which we delivered especially to her)

Lastly... The wishes and a beautiful night at esplanade...




 (Mine)

 (Zi Hui's)

(Letchmi's)

2010... it has brought me great pain, heartache and tears... with never-ending support from my pillars of strength- my family and friends, I don't think I'll be here today.
Thank you all for existing in my life. Thank you so much. YOU are the reason I'm still going strong.

And here, I am ready to welcome 2011... Hopefully what I hope for will come true...







with love, syahida at 1/02/2011 09:31:00 PM

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